Can there be anything worse for a child than to lose his or her mother? That person who should bond with you, gone from your life, whether by accident or design or sheer selfishness.
For a neglected child, losing the neglectful mother is harsh. She wants a relationship that will last forever, and that will comfort and support her. However, not only did her birth mother remain aloof and oblivious to her and her brother’s needs, but then she and her brother were snatched away from their mother and put in someone else’s care.
And learned to form an attachment to new mum; a mum who did care and who did love her; a mum she could love and trust in return. A mum that helped her and her brother overcome their feelings of abandonment.
And then new mum went to see the doctor. And new mum had to go into hospital.
But new mum never came home, and never will.
And a few days later, she and her brother have to say goodbye to another mum. A mum they could trust and love. Because they knew that she loved them. And they will stand by his side, holding hands with new dad, and crying together.
And death is the ultimate abandonment, with no going back.
And recovery from abandonment has to begin again. But this time, with no new mum to turn to.
Only new dad. And new dad is just as sad. But she knows, and her brother knows, that new dad loves them. And new dad will try to be their new mum, too.
In fairness to teachers, they mean well. Most of them got into teaching because they want to make a difference in children’s lives. Yet it is amazing how parochial they can be when it comes to parental input.
For example, raising children with attachment issues is difficult enough. Yet you would expect teaching staff to at least be on your side. Do they not understand that you live with the problem, all day, every day; that you have done your research; and that you might, possibly know more about this issue than they do. After all, they get a few hours of seminar and consider themselves to be experts, despite the fact that they can walk away from the issue every afternoon. You, the carer, only have to put up with the resultant behaviour overnight and at weekends. Yeah! Right!
The trouble with teachers is that they did their training years ago. Yes, they have to do regular Continual Professional Development courses. But those courses are only effective if they are currently faced with the issues covered.
You, however, as a carer for a child with attachment issues, are constantly researching the issue and looking for all the latest techniques. Why? Because you know that raising a child with attachment issues requires you to keep ahead of the game; that techniques which work today may not work tomorrow, and you need to keep your toolkit sharp if you are going to succeed.
I urge you to read the article, Social Experiment, and share it with everyone. Let’s try to give these kids a fair chance.